Part of the Conversation. Almost.

The man in front of me had forty-six stripes on his tie. I was completely sure of that. Just like I was sure that the lady two places behind me had itched her ear six times and that the fifth tile from the door had a crack in it. I craned my neck to look around Mr. Striped Tie’s protruding belly. There were still twelve people in front of me on line, all waiting impatiently for their morning coffee.

Of course I had to get stuck at the least efficient Starbucks in the city. Why hadn’t I just walked the extra block to the next one. Maybe the employees there actually speak English.

Sighing dejectedly I turned back to the ugly yellow and maroon tie and started to count the stripes again.

1…2…3…4…5 Man this tie is hideous. Someone needs to tell him that he’s living in the 21^st century and people actually care how they look nowadays. 12…13…14…15…

Suddenly I was jolted out of my intense concentration by a loud cackle from the blonde woman behind me.

Hey lady, I know this tie’s funny looking but it isn’t polite to laugh at it.

I turned around to see what was so funny, only to realize that she was on her cell phone. I felt a slight twinge of annoyance towards her for being so inconsiderate but it was soon replaced by the realization that the majority of the people on line were all busy with various electronic gadgets, from iPhones to Blackberries.

What has this world come to? Can’t a single person stand on line for a few minutes without gravitating towards technology? I bet my grandfather waited on line for his coffee and actually made small talk with the person standing next to him. People have gotten really antisocial. 13…14… no wait didn’t I count those already?

The woman behind me was really starting to get on my nerves. Frankly, counting stripes on a necktie is not a matter of extreme importance, but nonetheless I was disturbed that she thought her conversation was more important than the rest of the line’s peace of mind. I decided to give up on the stripe counting, and turned once more to the small Russian cashier who was evidently still having trouble deciphering the word “frappacino.”

At least there’s only 9 people in front of me now. Yes! We’ve hit single digits! I can almost hear that caramel latte calling my name. No wait, it’s that woman again.

“You need to make sure Aviva gets to her appointment on time. It’s a matter of absolute importance!”

Ok, different Aviva. I wonder what the appointment is. Hmmm…

Knowing fully well that it was rude to eavesdrop, I angled my head slightly to hear more of this now intriguing conversation. The woman didn’t notice and just kept on speaking.

“So after you drive Aviva, I need you to go pick up the invitations from the stationary store,” she continued “and make sure they’re teal NOT turquoise. I hate turquoise.”

I wasn’t close enough to hear the other side of the phone call. I wasn’t even sure what the call was about, but for some reason I was suddenly very interested in it. So interested in fact, that I started to create my own story to go along with the details I heard.

This woman, I’ll call her Sarah, is finally engaged after months of hinting to her now fiancée’ “Mark” who is now on the phone, that she wanted to tie the knot. Aviva is her big sister and bridesmaid, and she has an appointment today at the dressmaker. Her dress is teal to match the invitations that Mark has to pick up after dropping Aviva off.

“Sarah” twirled a strand of blonde hair around her finger and sighed into the phone. “Do we have to invite Sheila? I thought we agreed not to because you know how she and Charlotte don’t get alo- No we can’t seat them separately! All the other tables are full!”

Now Mark wants his cousin Sheila at the wedding, but Sarah’s best friend roomed with her at college and they rub each other the wrong way. They can’t even separate them because Sarah has a big family and there’s not enough room at the country club where they’re getting married to add another table.

I saw “Sarah” roll her eyes at something. She was obviously frustrated. “Forget that. We still have to call my mother about the flowers. Ugh you know how difficult it will be to convince her to opt out of the roses and get the daisies. She’s as stubborn as a mule when it comes to decorations.”

Sarah’s mom is taking the reigns in the decorations department but she and Sarah have different tastes. This caused many arguments growing up. Sarah’s into modern décor while her mom likes the more traditional look.

The details were flowing fluently from my imagination. I was getting so involved in the story that I almost believed it to be true. This was a lot more interesting than stripe-counting. Soon I even stopped listening to the actual conversation and started creating my own version of Sarah and Mark’s wedding.

Mark’s niece Juliet is going to be the flower girl. Her little brother Sam will walk down the aisle with her… Sarah’s friends from high school will be her bridesmaids… They’ll have a chocolate wedding cake… They’ll have a vegetarian buffet… Her dress will be satin with a-

“Are you going to order?”

I shook myself out of my daydream and turned to see the blonde woman looking at me curiously. “Huh?”

“Are you ordering? You know there’s a whole line of people behind you.” she repeated slowly.

I turned to see that miraculously the 9 people in front of me were gone. I saw Mr. Striped Tie sitting with his coffee at a side table.

Wow that was fast.

I laughed internally at myself for getting so carried away with my little fantasy wedding. It’s amazing what hearing half a conversation can do to a person. I smiled down at the petite woman manning the cash register.

“I’d like a Grande iced caramel latte with extra whipped cream…”

Maternal Murdering: An Analysis of Filicide in Snow White

Women like Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, and Casey Anthony are all infamous in the media for killing their own children. These women are viewed as ruthless killers, even more so than most murderers that have been convicted, because a mother killing her own child is viewed as a particularly horrible event. A mother carries her child for nine months, raises him, takes care of his every need, and supposedly loves and protects him unconditionally. A mother who goes against this natural path is considered inhuman, a monster so to speak. It is believed that only a coldhearted, vicious, mentally unstable person could commit such a horrible crime. This, however, raises the question of why this murdering of one’s children (filicide) is an ever-present theme in many commonly known fairy tales. Even though it is often the stepmother who wants to commit the awful act, she is the figure filling the maternal role in the story, making it just as horrible of an intention. In “Tom Thumb,” the ogre kills all of his seven daughters, and in “Hansel and Gretel,” the stepmother sends her defenseless children off into the woods to die a horrible death. These parental figures seem not to have a care in the world for these weak, naive children, and are disturbingly numb to the awful deed they intend to commit. The Brother Grimm’s version of “Snow White” is particularly focused on this theme of adults murdering children. The story focuses mostly on the queen’s many attempts at murdering her young stepchild. Stories like “Snow White” have become so widely accepted because they reflect theories in psychology, such as ones by Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. Inner feelings and desires are latent within both children and adults, and can be manifested healthily in fairy tales. The purpose of filicide in fairy tales, specifically “Snow White,” is to allow the child to deal with these latent feelings about their parents that they can’t understand in a safe, practical way. Although critics like Michelle Ann Abate believe that this solution is aimed more at the parent, I believe that since the target audience of these tales are children, the development gained in this situation is the child’s.

The Brothers Grimm spared no gory detail in their telling of “Snow White.” They tell a story of an evil queen whose stepdaughter’s beauty surpasses her own, and she becomes so angry that she commands almost immediately that the girl be killed. She commands a huntsman to “take the child away to the forest… kill her and bring me back her lung and liver as a token” (Grimm 250). Not only is the queen willing to commit the murder of her child, but she also requests a bloody trophy as a proof that it was done. She has no emotion about committing such a horrible act. Even more disturbingly, when the huntsman returns with false organs because he had sympathy for the child and let her live, the queen “ate them and thought she had eaten the lung and liver of Snow-white” (Grimm 251). A mother eating her child is the only thing that can be considered worse than murdering him, and in this tale The Brothers Grimm are so “matter a fact” about it, and don’t end the homicidal attempts here. The queen “thought and thought again how she might kill her” (Grimm 253). The queen then makes two more unsuccessful attempts at Snow-white’s life, trying suffocation through laces and poison through a comb. The Brothers Grimm are fully aware of the horrible acts that are written, calling the queen “wicked,” and describing her as using “witchcraft, which she understood.” (Grimm 254) These deeds in the tale are horrible, and the world acknowledges that, but yet murder of children in fairytales is still an accepted idea. Even Disney, in his purified movie of “Snow White,” included the queen’s final attempt to kill the beautiful child. The poison apple that is offered by the queen to Snow-white in the Grimm version, is repeated through out all the modern tellings of the tale. It is not until the prince rescues her that our heroine gets her happy ending, and the queen thinks herself successful for a short period of time, and shows no sympathy at witnessing the apparent death of her child. She even laughs over her body. (Grimm 256) These gruesome elements in the tale strengthen the question of why this element of filicide is so accepted into the genre of children’s literature.

Michelle Ann Abate, in her critical analysis titled “You Must Kill Her,” explores this question thoroughly. She argues “that the fairy tale is a product of wish fulfillment or fantasy, but on behalf of its adult readers, not its child readers”  Abate discusses how fairy tales are stories written by adults and are intended for adult audiences, and therefore they endure because because they’re constantly being rewritten by men and women, and not girls and boys. She concludes that “the murderous impulses in the story may be viewed as the result of parental wishes and desires instead of those belonging to children,” and that it  “allows parents the opportunity to indulge in homicidal fantasies about their children.” Abate further proves that fairytales like The Grimm Brother’s version of “Snow White” have become, over time, more expressive of adult feelings and themes, and include taboo subject matters and sexual innuendo that the children are too innocent to understand. (Abate 180) However, while I agree on the matter that fairy tales are an expression of inner desires, I believe that it is the children who are being directly targeted. These tales, while written by adults, are being told over to an audience of mostly children. There is a quote by Albert Einstein ““If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” Fairy tales are meant, and have always been meant for children, therefore any development assistance in the tales must be geared towards them.

Other critics like Bruno Bettelheim have similar analyses. Abate cites him in her critical article saying that he “argues in The Uses of Enchantment (1975), the story of “Snow White” is the product of the repressed feelings, hidden desires, and forbidden feelings of its juvenile readers. In Bettelheim’s reading the tale is not about a stepmother who is jealous of her daughter but about a daughter who is jealous of her mother” (Abate 179) These critics are in agreement that the point of adults murdering children in tales, is that the self deals with repressed and hidden desires and fantasies in a healthy unobtrusive way. Bettelheim further argues that “the form and structure of fairy tales suggest images to the child by which he can structure his daydreams and with them give better direction to his life” . Specifically, in the tale of “Snow White,” the child is asisted in working through the powerful feelings of “filial jealousy”. (Abate 179)  The reason filicide is so widely accepted in children’s tales, is because the point is not to take these gruesome themes literally, rather to subtly assist children in developing themselves healthily. These hidden inner demons are something that all children deal with psychologically, so it is justifiable that such tales are so widespread.

It is not just literary critics that believe in this. Psychologists Carl Jung and Sigmund Feud both have theories proving this point. Jung’s theory of individuation states that self develops out of an unconscious. It is a developmental process during which latent elements of personality, and the experiences of the person’s life become integrated over time into a well-functioning whole. (Stein) This proves that the child is dealing with inner desires that are unknown to him, and that need to be integrated into his healthy personality. Fairy tales are a common way of assisting in this. Freud’s theory of Psychosexual Development states that a child has one of two complexes, the Oedipus Complex, or the Electra Complex, depending on the child’s gender. These complexes arise in children because the son possesses a desire to “own” his mother, while the daughter possesses a desire for her father. (Mcleod) This can explain why the stepmother-child hatred is prevalent in so many stories. The children are projecting their inner desires on the story characters, and their jealousy of the parent is manifest in the filicide in the story.

Although murder of children in reality is a horrible event that the public disapproves strongly of, in fairy tales is it accepted and even encouraged. The act of filicide is a projection of the child’s inner desires involving that parent, and this is a healthy way to deal with these conflicts. Although critics like Abate argue that it’s the adults that are developing their inner desires, I believe that since the target audience of fairy tales has always been children, it is them who are assisted in their development through this process. Psychological theories of Jung and Freud stand behind that. “Snow White,” by the Brothers Grimm, is full of gory and disturbing details about child murder, but it is that fact that allows the story to endure like it has. Children can separate fairy tale from reality and can subsequently handle their inner desires without even knowing it.

 

Works Cited

 Abate, Michelle Ann. “You Must Kill Her.” Marvels & Tales 26.2 (2012): 178-203. Academic Search Complete. Web. 11 Nov. 2013.

Egan, Louise B, Jacob Grimm, Wilhelm Grimm, Erin Wise, Karen Pritchett, Kay Life, Jada Rowland, Arlene Klemushin, Julia Noonan, and Richard Walz. The Classic Grimm’s Fairytales. Philadelphia: Courage Books, 1997. Print.

Mcleod, Saul. “Psychosexual Stages.” Psychosexual Stages. N.p., 2008. Web. 11 Nov. 2013.

Stein, Murray. “Individuation : Inner Work.” Journal of Jungian Theory and Practice 7.2 (2005): 1-13. Print

A Tail of Sacrifice: Forbidden Love and an Immortal Soul in The Little Mermaid

The concept of “love at first sight” may sound romantic, however it’s extremely unrealistic. In many fairytales, the protagonist meets her prince, her savior, one time before knowing that he’s the one for her, without any doubts on the matter. In reality though, one cannot fall in love the instant he or she lays eyes on another. That initial feeling may be attraction, but it does not go deeper that that. “The Little Mermaid” by Hans Christian Andersen, differs from this typical pattern of girl meets prince, prince loves girl, girl and prince marry, and instead introduces a deeper theme of attaining an immortal soul through true love and going through trials to get it. The concept of “forbidden love” is very prevalent in this tale. The fact that the little mermaid is willing to leave a comfortable life behind for one of pain even though she isn’t guaranteed a happy ending, and that the prince is willing to leave a girl who he feels a connection with, just so he can find the girl who he mistakenly thinks saved his life, proves that this relationship is more than on of just attraction. Andersen is suggesting that the “forbidden love” in this tale, is the path to an immortal soul, as proven by the trials and sacrifices faced by both the little mermaid and her prince.

In Andersen’s tale, the little mermaid is a very curious creature who longs to know more about human life on land. After she saves a young prince’s life, the mermaid goes to visit her old grandmother who knows all about the world above. She then asks her grandmother what happens to humans when they die to which her grandmother responds saying that “human beings have a soul that lives on forever, even after their bodies have returned to dust.” This is as opposed to the merpeople who “cease to exist” because they “lack an immortal soul.” (Andersen 139) This lack causes the little mermaid to long for a soul like the ones of the humans so she asks how it would be possible for her to receive one. However, the only way for her to gain an immortal soul is if “a human loved [her] so much that [she] meant more to him than his father and mother” and “promise to remain faithful and true here and in all eternity.” (Andersen 140) For then her human lover would have given her his soul, but still kept his own. Promising oneself to another entirely and being willing to do whatever it takes for his or her well being, even sacrificing things of great importance such as a parental figure, is what creates a bond strong enough to transform into an immortal soul. (Tatar 37) Andersen is suggesting that forbidden love is the path to this immortal soul. He keeps his two lovers apart by strong forces, which requires them to make great sacrifices and go through much pain in order for them to remain together against the odds. Andersen is hinting that the connection formed by these two lovers, the mermaid and the prince, who have been forcibly kept apart, is a true, deep bond for the pair has acquired great loyalty towards each other and is willing to give up lives full of things and people that may be dear to them. (Cravens 640) The requirements for an immortal soul, true love and sacrifice of what is important to the self, are clearly met in these situations. Andersen uses the concept of forbidden love in his tale, as the path the little mermaid must take to attain an immortal soul.

Contrary to many other fairytales, “The Little Mermaid” quickly establishes that the connection between the mermaid and the young prince is more than just attraction. In the very beginning Andersen mentions the little mermaid’s garden in which she has a “statue of a handsome boy, chiseled from pure white stone,” that has “landed on the bottom of the sea after a shipwreck.” (Anderson 124) The mermaid has rescued and collected a statue of the prince, which alludes to her saving her prince from a similar shipwreck later on. Andersen is establishing her relationship to the prince early on, before they even meet, proving that it’s more than just initial attraction that connects the two. (Tatar 10) He further builds the bond between them as he mentions that when the mermaid sees the prince on his ship it was his birthday. Critic Maria Tatar mentions that this “is suggesting that they could be soul mates.” (Tatar 26) Andersen goes on to discuss the mermaid’s brave rescuing of the prince. Although there was a “throng of elegantly dressed people” on deck, it is only mentioned that the mermaid saves one, her prince. Andersen states that in the morning when the storm died down there was “not a trace left of the ship,” which must mean that either the remaining passengers saved themselves, or were left to perish. (Andersen 132-134) The fact that the mermaid feels the need to rescue this prince, and only the prince, proves that there is a deeper bond in the relationship for she could have so easily left him to drown and found another attractive male. Andersen is reinforcing that the mermaid and the prince have a strong, real connection to prove that this relationship is one that can lead to an immortal soul.

However deep their connection may be, the mermaid and the prince cannot have any kind of romantic relationship. The mermaid’s grandmother admonishes her, saying, “your fish tail, which we find so beautiful, looks hideous to the people on earth, and you do not have those two clumsy pillars they call legs.” (Andersen 139) The fact that their love is “unnatural” categorizes their romantic entanglement as a forbidden love. However, both the prince and the princess have acknowledged that they have found their soul mate and are willing to go through the trials it takes to be with them, hence leading to an immortal soul. Andersen clearly states the sacrifices the two must make. The mermaid, in order to find a way to be with her adored prince and to achieve a soul, visits the sea witch in her lair, braving monsters and darkness. “I know what you want,” says the sea witch. “It is very stupid of you … and it will bring you to sorrow.” She prepares a potion adding a drop of her own black blood that will turn the mermaid’s tail into legs. “All who see you will say that you are the prettiest little human being they ever saw, but at every step you take it will feel as if you were treading upon sharp knives, and that the blood must flow.” (Andersen 143) In addition, the mermaid can never again return to her former life, and if the prince marries another, her heart will break and she will turn into sea foam. In return, the sea witch asks for the mermaid’s voice and cuts out her tongue for “the promise of love is not to be won without sacrifice.” “(Cravens 638) The mermaid is also leaving the water. Water is what gives her life, it sustains her and helps her grow, and she has chosen to leave it. When she is living in the prince’s castle, she goes down in the evening and sits on the steps leading into the sea, dipping her legs in the water, “assuaging both physical and mental pain.” (Easterlin 260) She needs the water to heal and comfort her, yet she has sacrificed it. The mermaid has all this knowledge, and is still willing to give up her comfortable life with her family underwater and the possibility of a happy future down there, for the prince. Even though it condemns her to a life of pain, the mermaid is willing to do whatever it takes to be with her forbidden love.

The prince too has felt the connection of his true love, and is also willing to sacrifice for it. After the mermaid has turned into a human, she does build a connection with the prince, and he does have feelings of love towards her. He even tells her once that she is “more precious to him than anyone else,” but that he has lost the “only one who he could ever love.” (Andersen 148) Even though the mermaid is the girl who saved his life, and the one he truly loves, he mistakenly thinks it was another girl, for the sea witch gave the mermaid legs, but she did not do anything to dispel the prince’s conviction that his true love remains missing. (Tatar 48) The prince still feels love towards the newly human mermaid, but he is still willing to give that love up if it means he could have the mystery girl he thinks saved his life. He even tells the mermaid that if he does not find a wife on his final trip he will choose her to be his bride, for she’s so dear to him. Even though he has a girl he loves and can live happily with, the prince is willing to sacrifice that connection for even a possibility of being with the girl who saved him, even if he did not really know her. This sacrifice shows the fidelity of the prince towards the mermaid (even though he does not know it is towards her) and can thus fulfill the requirements of giving her an immortal soul.

Despite her sacrifices and willingness to do whatever it takes for love, the little mermaid does not gain the love of the prince by the end of the tale. He has found the girl he mistakenly believes to have saved him, and intends to marry her. As a result, the mermaid will turn into sea foam and never gain her immortal soul. However the mermaid still loves her prince. Even when her sisters give her the opportunity to regain the life under the sea that she has given up, she still chooses to endure her fate rather than kill her true love as would be required. She has no way of attaining an immortal soul now, which was previously her goal, but still she refuses to go back to her former life at the cost of the prince. Her stubbornness proves that she does deeply love the prince, and is not just vying for a human soul. She has gone through pain for her forbidden love, because she truly was bonded to him and cared more about his needs than her own. She is willing to sacrifice both immortality, and her previous mortality for him because he truly is her soul mate. (Tatar 51)

Andersen throws in a twist at the ending though. The mermaid awakens, not as sea foam, but as a transparent creature of some sort. She does not feel like she is dying, rather that she is alive in some non-human, non-mermaid way. When the little mermaid asks where she is, the creatures reply “among the daughters of the air.” The clarify that they “do not have immortal souls, but through good deeds can earn one for themselves.” (Andersen 153) Through their struggles to help humans that they must do selflessly, daughters of the air can attain immortality, after three hundred years or so. The little mermaid has been doing deeds like that the entire tale, and that allows her to join their ranks. She has suffered and endured much pain for the benefit of the prince, even though it harms herself, and she did not gain his love in return. The way the daughters of the air attain immortality is very similar to the way it is attained through forbidden love. They must sacrifice their own wellbeing and fully dedicate themselves to helping another for no gain themselves. This is just like the struggles of forbidden love, when one must sacrifice things near and dear to them, just so they can be loyal to their lover. However, it takes the daughters of the air much longer to achieve the same immortal soul because the connection of true soul mates that are being kept apart is more powerful than brief connections the other beings make when they help humans over time. (Tatar 53) The sacrifices forbidden lovers, like the little mermaid, make are more heartbreaking and painful. The daughters of the air must help many people over their three hundred years to equal the depth of the loyalty and devotion of soul mates. The immortal soul gained at the end and the reason it is attained is the same, but forbidden love is a more direct link to it than all the good deeds a daughter of the air can do in her lifetime.

Although on the surface it does not seem like Andersen’s “The Little Mermaid” has a happy ending, if examined deeper it is obvious that it is truly a satisfying ending. The little mermaid ends up content, living her life striving to gain an immortal soul, which was her goal throughout the whole story. She has let the love of her life live and be happy even without her, and is satisfied with that conclusion. Andersen’s use of the theme of forbidden love throughout the story is reinforcing the link between true love and an immortal soul. His protagonist has made a connection with her soul mate that is more than one of just attraction, and she puts herself through many difficult trials to prove her devotion to him. He in return, has also felt the connection, and though he wrongly pins it to a different girl, he fights and sacrifices for this love too. Andersen’s definition of an immortal soul, one that is gained when a person is so loyal and devoted to another that he or she is willing to give up something important to them, is reinforced at the end when the daughters of the air explain how they too can attain one through similar means of helping through sacrifice. However, by mentioning that it takes three hundred years to gain the same immortal soul, Andersen is suggesting that the bond between soul mates kept apart by a forbidden love, requires even more sacrifice than three hundred years of helping people, and creates a connection of even stronger devotion. “The Little Mermaid” still stands today as a realistic tale from which the reader can learn many lessons about sacrifice for love, and how even if one does not get the happily ever after he or she intended, there is still possibility of ending up content.

Works Cited

Primary Sources

Andersen, H. C., and Maria Tatar. “The Little Mermaid.” The Annotated Hans Christian Andersen. New York: W.W. Norton, 2008. 119-55. Print.

Secondary Sources

Cravens, Gwyneth. “Review of ‘The Little Mermaid’ from The Complete Hans Christian Andersen Fairy Tales.” Nation 254.18 (11 May 1992): 638-640. Rpt. in Children’s Literature Review. Ed. Tom Burns. Vol. 113. Detroit: Gale, 2006. Literature Resource Center. Web. 17 Nov. 2013.

Easterlin, Nancy. “Hans Christian Andersen’s Fish out of Water.” Philosophy and Literature 25.2 (Oct. 2001): 251-277. Rpt. in Nineteenth-Century Literature Criticism. Ed. Kathy D. Darrow. Vol. 214. Detroit: Gale, 2009. Literature Resource Center. Web. 17 Nov. 2013.

Bringing Back the Light

From the outside it looks like all the rest of the houses. There’s a white picket fence surrounding slightly dead looking grass covered with the fallen leaves of autumn. A stray cat streaks out of the backyard. A blue Honda Odyssey blocks the driveway. In fact, it seems to blend in with the almost identical houses to its right and left. It’s only when I look closer, taking in details only someone with knowledge of the backstory would notice, that I see the differences. The mail hasn’t been taken in for days. There are garbage bags overflowing with crumpled tissues heaped in the trash cans. The basketballs that in the past were used daily are lying deflated in the driveway. I know why. I know the reason no one cares about the mail anymore. I know that no bills, ads or wedding invitations can ever change the past. I know that for every tissue tossed out in the garbage can outside there are five more being soaked through in the living room. I know that those basketballs will never be used again by the person who so often shot hoops with them before. And I know that no one was willing to move them from where he left them.

I sigh and look down at the paper I clutch in my fist. I spent time painstakingly folding it so perfectly and now it’s crumpled into a ball. I wonder, as I did around eighty six times on my walk over, if I’m doing the right thing. I wonder if this will just make it all the more painful for the already heartbroken family. The chilled wind blows and shakes me out of my panicked thoughts. The sun’s already setting. I’ve been here longer than I thought. It’s been an hour since I left my house, telling my mom that I was just going to run a few errands. Under normal circumstances I’m sure neighbors would be asking what a teenage girl is doing standing outside of this house for an hour. But no one says anything. I’m not even positive that I’m noticed at all by the many people tracking in and out of the house. And if they do notice they don’t say anything. After all, why should they? They have more important things on their minds. Important things like a certain sixteen year old, who isn’t me.

The rough edge of the paper is biting into my palm now. I think back to the words I so carefully chose and so may times erased, before rewriting them all over again.

To the King family:

Is this enough? Am I doing my part by sending this letter? Or am I making a mistake?

Firstly I would like to offer my deepest condolences on your loss….

I think back to the day I first heard about the tragedy. It was just a normal Monday morning for me. I woke up before the sun rose, caught up on late homeworks on the bus and chit chatted with my friends. The biggest of my problems was the fact that there was no milk available and I had to eat my Raisin Bran dry.

I know I can never understand what you’re going through right now and I’m not going to pretend to.

They told us the news at mincha. The whole school sat for a moment in utter silence trying to comprehend what they just heard. I remember what I felt just then. I remember the feeling of my heart splitting down the middle for the familes who just lost a precious child and an innocent young man who no doubt blames himself for what happened.

There’s nothing I can say that can change anything or take away your pain, and I know that. But I need you to know that I care.

I prayed extra hard that day. I asked G-d impossible questions, wishing I would get an answer. Why? Why them? Why now? Why put so many people through so much pain? I was so upset by this story. Things like this happen every day all around the world, but this one hit a little too close to home.

I don’t know you. I never knew your son. But this hit me hard and all I want to do is help you.

That night when I got home I went straight to the computer and instead of instantly going to chat with my friends, I looked up the story. I wanted to see how the news crews would show it. I watched clips of the funerals, I read heartwarming and inspiring messages left by Jews all around the world and that night I cried myself to sleep.

Today I prayed extra hard for you. I asked G-d to make it easier for you and to give you signs that your son is watching over you. Because I know he is.

The days after passed in a blur. I had tests and assignments and many things that kept me occupied, but I didn’t forget. How could I? Two boys my age were just snatched from this world and I was alive. I felt lucky to be alive and at the same time guilty that I was.

Why should I go on with my life, taking everything for granted while you’re suffering? As Jews, we are a family. Your loss is our loss and we can’t ignore that.

It was killing me. I needed to do something about it. The dilemna was always weighing on my mind. Should I go visit the family? Should I start a movement in his honor? I came up with many big plans but none of them felt right. I didn’t feel like it was my place to do these things, but the need to do something, anything, was burning in my veins. That’s when I decided to write the letter.

Even if you throw this letter away right after you read it, I hope you realize that each word I wrote came straight from my heart, and I hope that maybe that comforts you.

It was going to be anonymous. I felt like it seemed more sincere that way, like I wasn’t just writing it to be a part of the hype. It was going to be handwritted, the tear smudged words burning my feelings into their hearts. I had so many plans for the letter but as I sat down to write it I forgot all of them and just poured out my soul onto that piece of paper.

I want you to know that you’re in all of our thoughts and prayers- maybe this will give you hope and strengthing your faith. People all over the world are starting movements and taking on personal challenges in honor of your son. He won’t be forgotten.

I finished the letter. It was anonymous yes, but surprisingly there were no tearstains. I realized that I didn’t need to cry on the paper to show that I cared. It was there in my words. Deep down inside I knew they would understand that.

Thanks for reading this letter. I hope it gives you some comfort.

Now, as I’m standing outside the house I know that even though I don’t know what its like to lose a son, or a friend, it was ok for me to leave this letter. For while its true that I can’t empathize with the parents, the classmates or the driver of the van, I can still show my support for them. I think that’s what they need more than anything: People with strong shoulders to cry on, people who they can share priceless memories of the boys with, people who can look them straight in the eye and tell them that they’re there for them no matter what. I want to be that person. With that thought, I walk up the front steps and hand the letter to a man dressed in black with red rimmed eyes, who was walking into the house and tell him to give it to the family. He nods absentmindedly and walks through the front door.

I may not be able to change the past, but maybe I can help illuminate the future.

I turn and walk away. I’ve done my part.

Sincerely,

A friend.

Fairest

Mirror Mirror on the wall

Who’s the fairest of them all?

You’ve seen the faces, young and old

The meek and silent, loud and bold

 

Mirror Mirror, only you

Can do the things no man can do

You see the things no man can see

You see the deepest part of me

 

Mirror Mirror, cold and glass

Not a figure just can pass

Without a glance, a peek, a look

You read them like an open book

 

Mirror Mirror you can’t lie

No alias or alibi

No silent questions, doubtful thoughts

No racing mind that can’t be caught

 

Mirror Mirror, don’t you care?

Before your glass my soul lies bare

My darkest secrets, memories

Now yours to do with what you please

 

Mirror Mirror you’re the one

I turn to when the day is done

The last one that I see at night

The first one in the morning light

 

 

So tell me Mirror, what to do

Which path to follow, which is true

What chances have I thrown away?

What countless errors have I made?

 

Oh Mirror Mirror if I wake

So early with the morning’s break

Will you remain so cold and clear

To make the nightmares disappear?

 

Mirror Mirror why oh why

Must you in silence always lie?

If you could speak I’m sure you would

Give me advice so pure and good

 

So Mirror Mirror one last time

I’ll say that worn out, clichéd rhyme

And maybe now you’ll hear my plea

And then awake and answer me

 

So…

Mirror Mirror in the wall

Who’s the fairest of them all?

 

 

 

 

The Stages of Life

On the edge of town

rundown, decaying

standing alone

engulfed in darkness

no sign of the glory it once had

The Theatre of Life

 

A stage in each corner

a layer of dust

a broken beam

a torn curtain

no sign of the glory they once had

The Stages of life

 

A small shoe

a rusted silver bell

a worn blanket

a sign of the glory it once had

The First Stage of Life

 

A deformed birdhouse, homemade

a torn jacket splattered with mud

a dime earned by the sweat of a young brow

a sign of the glory it once had

The Next Stage of Life

 

Workboots, overused and full of holes

a tearstained prayerbook

a gold locket, a smiling family within

a sign of the glory it once had

The Third Stage of Life

A parchment written with shaky hand

a will, on a

small fragile platform

a sign of the glory it didn’t have

The Last Stage of Life

 

Four Stages standing alone

layers of dust

broken beams

torn curtains

a sign of the glory they still have

The Stages of Life